Good Intentions, Flawed Results
You know those questions people ask when they are trying to get to know you; the ones that are something like “If you could have three wishes, what would they be?” I hate those questions. The only question I dislike even more is “what’s your favorite color?” The answer is “I don’t know”. Based on the reaction to my answer I believe that knowing your favorite color is a requirement to participate in social activities. I am clearly failing in this area.
I hate the question because there is expectation attached to it. I’m supposed to say things like, “money” or “more wishes”, or “world peace”. And of course, who doesn’t want those things? But by the time you have reached my age, what you really want are the things that are going to get you through this life slightly more unscathed than you’ve been able to achieve so far.
Here are my three wishes:
If I were to write my memoir the title would be “Unforeseen Circumstances”. The first chapter would be called “Well I Didn’t See That One Coming”, followed by “Ouch, That’s Going to Leave a Mark”. I don’t believe anyone can prepare for their life. I mean give it all you got but don’t be surprised when it gives you all it’s got right back. All I’m asking is for someone to yell “duck” before life gives me the next swift upper cut.
I know this might sound silly but if you have seen me fall, and honestly I hope you haven’t, then you would know that I fall like a giant redwood in the forest. It scares people. Usually there is yelling and running over and lots of questions about my status and sometimes there is the sound of sirens because someone calls an ambulance. Also it hurts.
It’s a wonder that I get invited to parties at all based on my lack of a favorite color and my inability to provide standard one word socially acceptable answers to party games. Maybe if I woke up feeling refreshed I wouldn’t have these problems.
If you invite me to a party, you have been warned.
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